Cat Physics
The Institute of Theoretical and Applied Feline Physics has identified the following immutable laws of Physics as apply to Cats:
1. Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2. Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
3. Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
4. Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
5. Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6. Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
7. Law of Cat Elongation - A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
8. Law of Cat Acceleration - A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.
9. Law of Dinner Table Attendance - Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
10. Law of Rug Configuration - No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
11. Law of Obedience Resistance - A cat's resistance varies in inverse proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
12. First Law of Energy Conservation - Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.
13. Second Law of Energy Conservation - Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
14. Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
15. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
16. Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
17. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
18. Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
19. Law of Milk Consumption - A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
20. Law of Furniture Replacement - A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
21. Law of Cat Landing - A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
22. Law of Fluid Displacement - A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
23. Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
24. Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
25. Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
26. Law of Selective Listening - Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.
27. Law of Equidistant Separation - All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
28. Law of Cat Invisibility - Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.
29. Law of Space-Time Continuum - Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
30. Law of Concentration of Mass - A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
31. Law of Cat Probability - It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she "might" be.
32. Law of Cat Obedience - As yet undiscovered.
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